This Might Make Me Hurt Somebody and other Musical Musings

One of my closest friends, MG, is an attorney. He and I have joked about the possibility of me needing him to use his BAR card some day to come get me out of jail. Now, I am not a violent person. In fact, besides all of the daily rumbles in middles school, my fried-chicken incited dorm brawl in college, and the few post-university coming to the aid of friends fracases, I’ve rarely had to resort to violence. There have been times that I thought I might have to though.

1. The time the guy in the gym said to me, “I like the way you move,” while I was in midair working on my abs.
2. The time another guy in the gym butted into my conversation and called me a liar. Two major mistakes in the Darius Book of…well, just Darius’ book.
3. When I guy at my job confronted me about some nonsense at work as if the school bell just rang and he heard that I was talking about his mama. That one was close.

Fortunately, it has not gotten to that point…yet.

I think I may need his assistance very soon, though. I’ve been trying to fight it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve meditated. Focused my energy in the gym. Gotten my green tea and honey on. Nothing’s worked. I’m gonna snap and it’s not gonna be pretty.

The next time I hear someone, especially a grown ass person, singing “This right here is my swag,” I am going off Mel Gibson-style.

If you don’t know, that is a lyric from Pretty Boy Swag, the latest offering from the lyrical genius better known as Soulja Boy Tell’em. First of all, I’ve always wanted to know who told him that a dependent clause without any punctuation makes a good rap name. But I digress.
People have varying musical tastes, I get that. Some prefer Luther Vandross to Marvin Gaye; some prefer Dean Martin to Frank Sinatra. Even you may favor Coldplay to Maroon 5. All of those are understandable. There are some things in my musical collection that others may question: the Carpenters and Eazy-E are in heavy rotation. But there has to be a line.

You may need to take a Calculus class or go read Macbeth after this, but here is a sample of the brilliant lyrics:

Get out the way
Pretty boy comin' thru
Me and my crew we swaggin in the room
Girls on me heavy 'cause I look so sexy
Yellow diamond shawty in the club straight flexin
I'm lookin' for a yellow bone long haired star
Thick in the hips come and get in my car
You party with a star we take off and go to mars
Pretty boy take off in 5.4.3.2.1

I sincerely apologize.

When I was a teenager, music was much different. Yeah, there were a lot of songs without much lyrical content. No one ever accused Luke of being Smokey Robinson, or Biggie for that matter. But there was a lot of good stuff out there.

If you need an example of that good stuff, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agnKPLrG2E0

Nothing like a little Kool Moe Dee to restart your brain.

So, when the bureaucrats start barking about low test scores of American students and how they don’t stack up to their counterparts across the world, there is only one person on the face of the planet to blame: Mr. Pretty Boy Swag.

When I first heard the song, I thought it was one of those parodies that the morning shows do. So, I laughed. But when I found out that it was a “real” song, I laughed even harder. But when I heard the remix that features Gucci Mane, the laughter stopped. I immediately put Nirvana into my CD deck and drank some Pennyroyal Tea.

So, back to my future arrest.

You know how some songs that you hate begin to seep into your subconscious without you knowing? This song has somehow found its way into my brain and I want to dig it out!
If this blog happens to have no posts for 3-5 years, then you know that someone must have been getting’ their swag on and I snapped like a woman who gave up her successful career for her husband who later on cheated on her with her hairstylist and the gardener.

Oh, and one more thing.

We’ve had LBJ and JFK; how about KMD for president? Kool Moe Dee. I’m just saying. He goes to work!