Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

I remember being a kid sitting on the living room floor on Saturday mornings, watching a parade of my favorite animated people, animals, and woodland and underwater creatures. Sprinkled in between the Smurfs and Captain Caveman, there would always be something educational or a moral tidbit for us youngins'. My favorite was always Schoolhouse Rock. I learned what a conjunction was, that three was the magic number, and most importantly, I learned how a bill becomes a law. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEJL2Uuv-oQ

But there was one PSA that used to come on that stuck with me. It's a little sketchy as far as the details go, but the chorus of the song echoes in my mind. "You tell one lie, it leads to another. So, you tell two lies two cover each other. Then you tell three lies, oh brother. You're in trouble up to your ears!"

This little jingle has stuck with me all my life. Besides the beatings I got for lying and the fact that lying reminds me of my dad, who I want to be nothing like, that commercial is a reason I don't lie to this day. Did everybody else run to the bathroom or go to pour some more sugar on their Rice Krispies when that one came on? Because lying is so rampant these days that it is sickening. People lie just to lie. Just because their lips can form those particular utterances of untruth, they do it.

When I was a kid, my biological father, whom I would see by happenstance, would promise me that he would come and pick me up so we could have some "man-to-man" time on such and such a day at such and such a time. So, being the naive and hopeful kid that I was, I believed him. So, on such and such a day, usually a Saturday, I sat on the couch all damn day waiting for him. He would never show or call to explain that he got a flat tire, was held up at the gas station, died...nothing. Now, he knew damn well that he wasn't coming in the first place. But something inside of him "forced" him to bullshit me. Why not just say what you mean? "Son, I'm a deadbeat. I don't really know when I'm gonna come and see you. It may be next week; it may be next month; hell, it may be next year on your birthday. Hold on. When is your birthday, again?"

As a kid, I may have been devastated, but I wouldn't have been so severely scarred. Because of him, I still don't do well with expectations. I wait for good to happen before I admit that it might. You give me a million dollar check, I won't be excited until I cash it, get the money in my hand, spend it and get a receipt. Then, maybe then, I'll crack a smile.

I guess lying has its benefits. In the short run, it can be very advantageous. But in the end, it's better to be truthful. It may hurt someones feelings. It may scar someones fragile ego. It may get you slapped in the face or the windows busted out of your car. But lying will be ultimately worse.



But it's not just blatant lying that's an issue. People often imply something that isn't exactly truthful. Actually, I'm a culprit of this one.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, brief or extended, and they said something that sounded like:

"Arrrgeueh zummel febreeze em el"?

Your response should have been, "Excuse me, sir. But I have no idea what you just said. Can you please repeat yourself?" But instead you say something like, "yeah, yeah. I feel ya", or you smile, nod your head, and say "mmm hmm".

Why do we do that?

And while we're at it, I'm gonna put my aunt on blast for a second. She once set me up with this girl. I asked her how she looked.

Her response: Oh, she's cute; she's cute. She's a really nice girl.

What her response should have been: Oh, nephew, remember that time when you were little and we went fishing? You caught that blow fish with one eye; it scared you and you started to cry. Well, that's what she looks like. But, she's a really nice girl.

Why not say what you mean and mean what you say, Auntie?

Imagine if we all were forced to say what we mean and mean what we say. You know, like Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar.

It would get a little hectic and there are sure to be a few casualties of truth, but wouldn't the world be a much better place? Think about the things we would have heard from our politicians.

JFK: Yeah, so umm, Jackie. I have a little something to tell ya. You know that lil' chippie in the movies, Monroe. Yeah, Marilyn. So, urrruh...I know her. Yeah, I know her really well. Like David knew Bathsheba.

Clarence Thomas: I'm a ca-ca-ca-ca-crackhead and I love me some hoes!

Clinton: I did have sexual relations with that woman. Several times. What man is gonna turn down oral sex? And it was at work! Do you know how exciting that made it? If it was just in a hotel or something, like the others, I probably wouldn't have done it. But in the Oval Office? JFK can't compete with that. I hope housekeeping cleaned up all of the spots.

George W. : I have no idea how to run a country. And hell, I have absolutely no idea what WMDs are. All I know is WWJD? And he would blow those sand nig...

Imagine that.

How about relationships?

Woman: Honey, do I look fat in this dress?

Man: Hell, yeah! Why would you even ask that question? You sit around everyday eating chicken parmigiana and cheesecakes waving bye to me as I'm going to the gym. Then you wanna stuff yourself into a dress that looked good on the skinny mannequin in the store, but it took you twenty minutes and an abundant loss of oxygen from holding in your breath for you to squeeze it all in. So, I must say that you definitely look fat. I still love you, though. Just not as much as I did before.

At least she'd know what he thought and wouldn't go out with her friends who would talk about her to each other but compliment her on how good she looks.

Everyone should just be like the little girl I encountered in the 3rd grade. I confidently sent her a note. You know the note.

Do you like me? Circle YES NO or MAYBE.

I sat and waited, dreaming of the fun times we would have riding our bikes together. When I got the note back it, not only had she circled NO, but she added some words of her own:
"HELL NO I DON'T LIKE YO BLACK ASS! YO UGLY SELF BETTA LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I may have been hurt and not liked what I read, but at least she said what she meant and meant what she said.

P.S. - Years later, when chocolate brothas came back in style, she changed her tune. Too late!!!

Et tu, Brute?

Friends!

How many of us have them?

Friends!

Ones you can depend on!

...you can look it up again and again, but the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friends.

Those are the immortal words of the legendary hip-hop group Whodini. I've always loved that song. Whenever I would hear that song, my shoulders would get to bouncing, my head would start swaying, my arms would begin to move as if I was on stage as a part of the group with a tight sparkling suit and wide-brimmed cowboy hat. I would rap all the words:

Homeboys through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall And then there's some we wish we never knew at all. And this list goes on, again and again. But these are the people that we call friends

But it's not until recently that I started to reassess those words. See, I've always kept a small circle of people that I call friends. There are people that I'm cool with. There are people that I kinda like. There are those that I tolerate and those I don't entirely hate. Now, I can be friendly to all of these people, but that doesn't make them my friend. The majority of my friends are old school. We have memories of being middle-school kleptomaniacs stealing boxing gloves out of sporting goods stores. We can laugh at the memory of me tossing a basket of ketchup drenched French fries in the face of a rude bowling alley employee. We have recollections of college days that I dare not mention in this post. (People have real jobs now.)

And while it takes me a while to truly trust someone, I felt that 10, 15, 22 years might be enough. Well, some events that transpired recently have caused me to question those seemingly unbreakable bonds.

I should have listened to Shakespeare. He told me all about friends in Julius Caesar. I mean Julius' best friend Brutus put that final dagger in his back. And Othello...oh, Othello! Othello's boy, Iago, whom he trusted, cased him up something awful. And the scary thing is that you never really find out why Iago was so evil.

And like Othello, I trusted these friends, these allies, these confidants to no end. But much to my chagrin, they treated me like they didn't even know me. Better yet, they treated me with anger and contempt: total disrespect.

And disrespect is not usually tolerated. Just ask the guy with hot fries in his face at the bowling alley. But I guess my reaction to the infraction was kinda like being a kid and your uncle hitting you really hard in your chest or your mom putting all her might into that last swing of the belt. You wanna scream. You try to make the sound come out, but the only things you can produce are breaths and ugly faces. You squirm and move and a single tear traces your cheek. You want to, but you can't speak. You wanna play hard and take it. But it hurts too much; you can't fake it. But you can't respond the way you want in your mind; you just endure the pain until it subsides. (My bad. Unintentional poetical tangent.)

Because I didn't expect it, it cut me deep. And had it been someone I didn't call my friend, my boy, Marlin, might be using his Florida Bar card to come get me out of the County.

But I've matured and realized that the beautiful lady we all know as Karma will take care of things.

And, from this wonderful situation, I've learned a couple things.

1. To paraphrase JT Money of the Poison Clan, "Put shit past no one." I doubt if I'll ever be completely caught off guard again. Unless I find out tomorrow that my mother is a lesbian devil-worshipper. That might get me.

2. Even between friends, you have to sometimes be ego-centric. As friends, you think that you should be more selfless. Well, in situations like mine, that selflessness left me by myself.

3. Whodini is still one of the hardest hip-hop groups to ever do it. The Freaks Come Out At Night, One Love, Big Mouth...classics!

So, I'm not saying that you shouldn't trust people. I'm not even saying that I won't get over how dirty they did me. I am saying...REMEMBER JULIUS CAESAR!

I Rise, I Rise, I Rise...

Question.

What is the one poem that every black person in America, no matter the age, region, or socio-economic status, is all too familiar with, even though they may not know every line?

Think about it.
You've heard it in movies. Maybe you were compelled to read it in English class during Black History Month. You've seen seen a hundred way-too-grown eleven year-old girls in Sunday dresses schashay knock-kneededly across stages, snapping their fingers and twirling their hips while reciting it. Ahhh...now, you know. What else could it be?

Still I Rise, by Maya Angelou, is a classic piece of literature that addresses the resilience and pride of a people that have been continuously oppressed. This powerful poem suggests that even though someone, or a group of someones, has been looked upon with scorn, that they can walk with their heads held high because there is a greater spirit that is within them. Powerful stuff, right?

Of course. Even if they say you're not good enough and get upset when you behave as if you're not only good enough, but better than they ever imagined, don't let that keep you from continually rising: rising above oppression, contempt, and doubt.

This poem is an anthem for confidence and self-realization.

So, my next question is: since so many love and appluad this poem, why do they behave like those antagonistic oppressors in the piece?

Basically, I'm talking about haters. Not your run of the mill haters that litter the verses of every rapper's song. I mean genuine, real-life people that seem to get angrier with each second of your happiness. I'm talking about people that shine when they find out that things aren't floating smoothly on your end. I mean the ridiculous people who would prefer that you walk with your chin in the middle of your chest instead of your helad held high. Damn them!

I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm arrogant or conceited. I've always disagreed. I simply say that I have a healthy dose of self-confidence and a high opinion of myself. And why shouldn't I? After all, I am the hope and the dream of the slave. Aren't I?

In elementary school, 90 percent of the fights I was involved in started off just like this:

A nice, well-groomed, curly-haired and chocolatey little boy is walking down the hall. Then, out of nowhere, a few menacing figures appear. One of these disheveled hooligans growls, "You thank you cool, huh?" or "Oh, who dis nigga thank he is?" And the ensuing brawl usually results with the cute one on the receiving end of blows from the few less fortunate ruffians. But, still I rose.

But even today. People tend to get upset at my level of confidence.

Does my coolness upset you? (I replaced sassiness with coolness. I've never been sassy a day in my life.)

I do have to admit: I think I'm cool as hell. But it's not that I try to be; I think the combination of my DNA and specific factors in my upbringing put a sort of Billy Dee factor in my blood. It's kinda like a cool evolution. Only the suave survive. I now some other cool people. But some wear a facade of cool that you can see right through.

The way I walk and talk seem to upset some people. I must admit, my walk is special. I don't even remember where it started, but I remember people commenting on it during the 5th grade awards assembly. And even then, I had parents making slick comments about me winning a bunch of awards. "Why he winning so much?" "There are other students out here, you know." "I took off of work to see somebody else's child win everything?" How you gonna get mad a kid because he's a better student than your child? You should be mad at your child for not doing better or yourself for not motivating your dumb ass kid like my mama motivated me.

And I'm sure that this blog may be interpreted as another example of the size of my ego. But what did you expect?

Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops, weakened by my soulful cries?

Too bad. Because like the Phoenix from the ashes; like the constant price of gas is, like what high heels do to asses,

Dumb Da-Dumb Dumb!

So, an interesting thing happened on the way to creating an amazing independent film. We had to deal with people!!!

Writing for me is definitely a labor of love. I'm very passionate about it, and like most people, if I'm passionate about something, I put my all into it. But with writing, the only people I have to deal with are the ones in my head. And while they can get annoying and scary sometimes, I'm usually able to handle them.

However, adding real live human beings to the equation entirely changes things. It's kinda like making a sandwich. Imagine some fresh, warm multi-grain or wheat bread patiently awaiting succulent slices of turkey. You place the poultry perfection on one side, followed by juicy tomatoes and fresh Romaine lettuce. On the other side, you spread just enough mustard, regular or the honey variety, then add a slice of cheese or two. Perfect, right? Then, imagine that someone walks up and piles two heaping spoonfuls of mayonnaise right into the middle of your sandwich. After you beat them down, you'd just stand in awe of how what once was so beautiful has become a monstrosity. Adding people to the mix is like like listening Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On and right when Marv's about to lay on a "oooooooh, baby", the DJ mixes in the infamous Brrrr, from Gucci Mane.



We've come across all types of people trying to do this project:

• The shady business owner who wants exorbitant amounts of cash for us to use his venue
• The nothing-on-their-resume divas who don't understand the concepts of independent
• The unprofessional actor/actresses that simply disappear from the project w/o saying a word. (Damn, if you don't want to or can't do it, cool. Just let a brotha know!)
• And the adults that come to audition that seem to only read books with pictures in them
  

One of the major things I've learned from this project, thus far, is that the rumors of the U.S.'s shortcomings in education are grossly understated. People can't read. And it's funny and sad at the same time. During the casting, when the potential actors had to read lines that I wrote, I had to bite my tongue while listening to them fumble and stumble over simple sentences and words like fruition. That word has three syllables. Oh, sorry. Syllables are the distinct, I mean different sounds that are in a word. The word is pronounced froo-ish-uhn, not froo-shoon, or froo-tee-yun.

It was hard sitting there and trying to keep a straight face. I am a pretty decent actor, but people that truly know me know that my face is window to what I'm thinking. I had to pull out some Sydney Poitier skills a few times.

Some people were nervous and I get it. And there were a couple of words that might have been new for some of them. Okay. But damn, my seven year-old cousin, Brandon, could have done better than a lot of them.


It's no wonder that U.S. students ranked 32nd out of 35 countries surveyed about positive attitudes toward reading. Somewhere along the line we stopped reading. Growing up, I learned a lot from Sesame Street and The Electric Company, but they supplemented my learning. Today, many parents depend on the teachers entirely too much and allow Nickelodeon to do what they should be doing. My mama kept my face in a book.

So, that leads to me to a serious question: How dumb can we get?

If you watch TV, you'll think that there are no limits to the depths of our dumbness.

I tell those I know who watch that bastion of intellectuality, Jersey Shore, that they are probably losing ten brain cells for every minute Snookie and The Situation are on air.




Who's to blame for proliferation of ignorance?

The parents? The teachers? The media?

Absolutely. Undoubtedly. And definitely.

So, do we just shrug our shoulders and say, "Since all of those things are stacked against the kids, then there's just no hope for them"? If so, then we doom, not only them, but our own future.

But what can you do? I'll tell you. Go and mentor or tutor a kid. It can't hurt. Maybe you can help make their dreams come to fruzyun. And I highly doubt that you can make them any dumber than they all read IS.