Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

I remember being a kid sitting on the living room floor on Saturday mornings, watching a parade of my favorite animated people, animals, and woodland and underwater creatures. Sprinkled in between the Smurfs and Captain Caveman, there would always be something educational or a moral tidbit for us youngins'. My favorite was always Schoolhouse Rock. I learned what a conjunction was, that three was the magic number, and most importantly, I learned how a bill becomes a law. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEJL2Uuv-oQ

But there was one PSA that used to come on that stuck with me. It's a little sketchy as far as the details go, but the chorus of the song echoes in my mind. "You tell one lie, it leads to another. So, you tell two lies two cover each other. Then you tell three lies, oh brother. You're in trouble up to your ears!"

This little jingle has stuck with me all my life. Besides the beatings I got for lying and the fact that lying reminds me of my dad, who I want to be nothing like, that commercial is a reason I don't lie to this day. Did everybody else run to the bathroom or go to pour some more sugar on their Rice Krispies when that one came on? Because lying is so rampant these days that it is sickening. People lie just to lie. Just because their lips can form those particular utterances of untruth, they do it.

When I was a kid, my biological father, whom I would see by happenstance, would promise me that he would come and pick me up so we could have some "man-to-man" time on such and such a day at such and such a time. So, being the naive and hopeful kid that I was, I believed him. So, on such and such a day, usually a Saturday, I sat on the couch all damn day waiting for him. He would never show or call to explain that he got a flat tire, was held up at the gas station, died...nothing. Now, he knew damn well that he wasn't coming in the first place. But something inside of him "forced" him to bullshit me. Why not just say what you mean? "Son, I'm a deadbeat. I don't really know when I'm gonna come and see you. It may be next week; it may be next month; hell, it may be next year on your birthday. Hold on. When is your birthday, again?"

As a kid, I may have been devastated, but I wouldn't have been so severely scarred. Because of him, I still don't do well with expectations. I wait for good to happen before I admit that it might. You give me a million dollar check, I won't be excited until I cash it, get the money in my hand, spend it and get a receipt. Then, maybe then, I'll crack a smile.

I guess lying has its benefits. In the short run, it can be very advantageous. But in the end, it's better to be truthful. It may hurt someones feelings. It may scar someones fragile ego. It may get you slapped in the face or the windows busted out of your car. But lying will be ultimately worse.



But it's not just blatant lying that's an issue. People often imply something that isn't exactly truthful. Actually, I'm a culprit of this one.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, brief or extended, and they said something that sounded like:

"Arrrgeueh zummel febreeze em el"?

Your response should have been, "Excuse me, sir. But I have no idea what you just said. Can you please repeat yourself?" But instead you say something like, "yeah, yeah. I feel ya", or you smile, nod your head, and say "mmm hmm".

Why do we do that?

And while we're at it, I'm gonna put my aunt on blast for a second. She once set me up with this girl. I asked her how she looked.

Her response: Oh, she's cute; she's cute. She's a really nice girl.

What her response should have been: Oh, nephew, remember that time when you were little and we went fishing? You caught that blow fish with one eye; it scared you and you started to cry. Well, that's what she looks like. But, she's a really nice girl.

Why not say what you mean and mean what you say, Auntie?

Imagine if we all were forced to say what we mean and mean what we say. You know, like Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar.

It would get a little hectic and there are sure to be a few casualties of truth, but wouldn't the world be a much better place? Think about the things we would have heard from our politicians.

JFK: Yeah, so umm, Jackie. I have a little something to tell ya. You know that lil' chippie in the movies, Monroe. Yeah, Marilyn. So, urrruh...I know her. Yeah, I know her really well. Like David knew Bathsheba.

Clarence Thomas: I'm a ca-ca-ca-ca-crackhead and I love me some hoes!

Clinton: I did have sexual relations with that woman. Several times. What man is gonna turn down oral sex? And it was at work! Do you know how exciting that made it? If it was just in a hotel or something, like the others, I probably wouldn't have done it. But in the Oval Office? JFK can't compete with that. I hope housekeeping cleaned up all of the spots.

George W. : I have no idea how to run a country. And hell, I have absolutely no idea what WMDs are. All I know is WWJD? And he would blow those sand nig...

Imagine that.

How about relationships?

Woman: Honey, do I look fat in this dress?

Man: Hell, yeah! Why would you even ask that question? You sit around everyday eating chicken parmigiana and cheesecakes waving bye to me as I'm going to the gym. Then you wanna stuff yourself into a dress that looked good on the skinny mannequin in the store, but it took you twenty minutes and an abundant loss of oxygen from holding in your breath for you to squeeze it all in. So, I must say that you definitely look fat. I still love you, though. Just not as much as I did before.

At least she'd know what he thought and wouldn't go out with her friends who would talk about her to each other but compliment her on how good she looks.

Everyone should just be like the little girl I encountered in the 3rd grade. I confidently sent her a note. You know the note.

Do you like me? Circle YES NO or MAYBE.

I sat and waited, dreaming of the fun times we would have riding our bikes together. When I got the note back it, not only had she circled NO, but she added some words of her own:
"HELL NO I DON'T LIKE YO BLACK ASS! YO UGLY SELF BETTA LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I may have been hurt and not liked what I read, but at least she said what she meant and meant what she said.

P.S. - Years later, when chocolate brothas came back in style, she changed her tune. Too late!!!