The Whole Pizza Pie

In a recent conversation with a friend about relationships and love and shit like that, Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married came up. After about a fifteen minute tangential conversation about why I wouldn’t put Tyler Perry on my list of favorite actors, playwrights, or directors, we got back to the topic at hand: the 80/20 rule.

In the movie, Malik Yoba’s character tells his ‘boys’, that in relationships, you get about 80% of your needs met. And while it may be tempting to seek that other 20% somewhere else, a person should value the 80% that they already have. Apparently, belief in this edict is supposed to discourage infidelity and infuse the overly-selective mind like mine with a dose of reality.

Well, I think that is some balderdash, bullshit, nonsense, Tom Foolery, or as my uncle would say, “that’s some monkey business.”

Firstly, the original 80/20 principle is entirely different than what has been widely adopted as sound relationship advice. The initial concept comes from an early twentieth century Italian economist who observed that 80 percent of the land in Italy was owned by 20 percent of the population. The general idea is that a very large number of outputs or outcomes are usually generated by a small number of inputs.

We all know that a small portion of the population controls an overwhelming majority of the world’s resources. This idea applies to other walks of life as well. Compare the number of famous and/or commercially successful actors, writers, and directors like the aforementioned Mr. Perry to the vast number of “us” who are dancing, singing, or writing our hearts out with no paparazzi following us at all.

As far as the relationship thing goes, 80% is far too low. I tried to use the following analogy with my friend but was told that it sucked:

Imagine ordering a pizza pie from your local pizzeria. The large pizza pie comes with 10 slices, so you prepare yourself to enjoy ten mouth-watering and cheesy slices of pizza. You make it to the pizzeria and pay for your pie. You get home, pour a tall glass of Moscato and sit down to open your hot cheesy and Wham! You notice that two of your slices are gone!

Well, that analogy may need a little work, but the point is that 20 percent of anything is a huge chunk. I don’t know; maybe you’re okay with only 80 percent of your paycheck or 80 percent of a haircut. Maybe that was the thinking behind the Mohawk.

When I was a kid in school, getting an 80 on anything would feel like failure. You mean I got a fifth of the answers wrong? Did I get dumb all of a sudden?

Personally, I believe that applying this rule to relationships is hazardous. Why settle for something that you feel is incomplete? By right, you deserve everything. I am a whole person, therefore, I want to laugh with, talk to, interact with, kiss, and love a whole person. If I was to put a percentage on it, it would have to be about 95. That’s less than sales tax; I can deal with that.

So, theoretically, I would have to decide if the four-fifths of a person that I do like is good enough to make me deal with the one-fifth that I don’t? HELL NAW!

Relationships of all kind should be fun. I have friends that I’ve known for a long time that a rarely talk to anymore because I don’t enjoy talking to them. It’s not fun. I’m not going to put up with it because of the fun we had when we were eleven or I can depend on him to help me move. There has to be more than that. I can hire movers.

And I can do without being with someone that I don’t immensely enjoy. Yeah, I get it. Nobody’s perfect. But in your specific situation, even the imperfections should be perfect. And yeah, I know they say that anything worth having takes work. Well, I go to work every day. Who wants to come home and have to work some more? That should be your solace, your sanctuary. You can’t have chaos in your sanctuary, even if it is only 20 percent of the time.

See, instead of worrying about what percentage of this person you like or can tolerate, turn the mirror to you. What percentage of yourself do you love? And how much of do actually dislike? If there is 20 percent of you that you don’t like, then finding a 99/1 ratio in someone else ain’t gonna work. Until you wholly love yourself, truly loving anyone else is impossible. You have to work on you.

The original model of the rule speaks of inputs and outputs. My theory is that we spend a majority of our time on the things that only contribute marginally to our total happiness, and not enough time on those things that ultimately bring more fulfillment.

If we spent more time on ourselves: learning who we are and who we aren’t, enjoying life, and connecting to the things around us, and less time thinking about, trying to mold, and trying to quantify others, then we would be a much happier society.

Oh. And read a book…and not just 80 percent of it.

Next week’s topic: FACEBOOK: The Bane of Productivity!