Tangent Alert:
The Fourth of July commemorates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. With this document, America’s original thirteen colonies were now independent states, free from British rule. The Declaration is sprinkled with majestic phrases that painted the picture of what life should and would be like without the “tyranny” imposed by Great Britain’s King George III.
“…all men are created equal”, “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” For me, the most interesting thing about the Declaration of Independence is that many of those who signed this document were slave owners. Hmm…ironic, to say the least.
John Adams predicted that the signing of the Declaration of Independence would forever be celebrated with parades and shows and fireworks all across the continent. Thus we have the fabulous spectacles and displays we are accustomed to seeing today.
The Fourth of July and its fireworks remind me of relationships. The anticipation always seems to trump the actual event. As a kid, I couldn’t wait for the Sun to go down on the Fourth. That’s when my mom or my uncles would gather up whatever fireworks we had and head outside with the lighter and unlimited books of matches. There were things that popped, things that sparkled, things that popped and sparkled, and things that shot up in the air, popped, and then sparkled. There were the snake/worm things that you set on fire and they just grew. I never really got the point of those. Then, there were the things that emitted a colorful array of sparks accompanied by smoke and whistles. In my mind, the bigger the contraption was, the better it was going to be. But almost inevitably, my poor little pre-teen heart was always disappointed.
The sparklers were just lame. The bottle rockets rarely launched. And you can only watch green and red sparks fly out of a cardboard tube so many times. Ultimately, after thirty or so minutes, the party was over. Then, I would be in the middle of the street putting ashen Independence Day scraps into a plastic bag. I would inevitably hang on to a few firecrackers or spark-shooting army tanks, but those would be used up in couple of days. I always had this “is that it?” feeling after the Fourth.
Relationships are pretty much the same. You get all excited in the beginning, maybe even a little scared. You’re anticipating some amazing things to occur. And why wouldn’t you? Everything that’s shown on the package suggests that this will be the time of your life. But inevitably the sparks only spark for so long. Then, everything will fizzle out, and you’re in the middle of the street putting ashen pieces of your heart and dignity into a plastic bag, left with nothing but disappointment.
Recently, I went to a function that I have affectionately termed a “Gender Jam”. There were a bunch of twenty and thirty-somethings in a house with food, music, “hot topics”, and games. The wonderful host of the “hot topics” portion of the evening stated that the purpose was for “men and women to get to know what the other is thinking.” One of the recurring ideas coming from the young ladies was their disappointment in the outcome of some of their relationships. I thought about that 11 year-old me, who was looking to be eternally dazzled and only got about thirty minutes of a snap, crackle, and a pop. And maybe that’s the problem. We often embark upon relationships with these Macy’s Fourth of July fireworks display set of expectations. Then, if the other half has more than just a few of the qualities you are looking for, those expectations increase exponentially.
If I went into every Fourth of July free of expectations, I doubt I would have felt the disappointment I did. I wouldn’t have been comparing my fireworks to those of the kids up the street whose parents could afford the “good stuff”. I would have simply had fun with the pieces that I liked, laughed at the lameness of the sparklers, and smiled with an overall positive feeling as I picked up the pieces from the street.
If we treated relationships like this, there would be a lot less disappointment. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that we should just settle for anything in our romantic endeavors. What I am saying is this: if we come to the table without expectations, good or bad, we will undoubtedly be able to see the people we date for who they really are. We won't try to make every person we meet THE ONE. Have fun with the pieces you like, laugh at the lames, and smile when the sparks fly!
5 comments:
Hmmm.... "Independence Day"... I must admit that the only anticipations I had, as a kid, for 4th of July was the FOOD !!! LOL. I was never impressed by the fireworks and still remain unfazed. I liked seeing all the food laid out, picking my favorites and enjoying as much of it as I wanted. You know what, as an adult, that’s still my favorite!
As for relationships… I think if you anticipate amazing then you should get amazing! Anticipation can easily be transformed into actuality. Fireworks don’t ignite themselves, they must be lit. That’s the only way we get to see the sparkles and bright lights in the sky, somebody has to light the fire. So I say, keep your lighter in your pocket at all times, so whenever you want to see amazing fireworks in your relationship….. use your Bic!!!! Oh, and I agree “Have fun with the pieces you like, laugh at the lames, and smile when the sparks fly!”………I’m just saying… PKeitt
Smootches……
Broken Filter said...
I'm relatively new to fourth of July celebration and I dislike fireworks. I dislike the noise and the smoke that follows. From the right distance they are momentarily pleasing but that's it. However, I do look forward to barbecue hopping and not for hotdogs and hamburgers. I like those people that put a little thought into it and get a bit creative. I like when people bring out the real meat and the spicy marinade with creative salsas and all kinds of tasty goodness. If there is a chocolate dessert of some kind, then that barbecue goes in my book of “best ever!”
I guess you could compare what I expect in relations to what I expect at barbecues. There needs to be something there I can't "rustle up" at home in five minutes, otherwise, what's the point? If the food is not good, the barbecue has failed. (Yes, you can talk about the friends and the family and all that but the reason I'm at the barbecue is to eat!) To have no expectation is to keep going back to that barbecue and being let down year after year. Even with no expectations from the barbecue, I still have a certain taste and hotdogs and hamburgers won’t suffice.
So, with no expectations from a relationship, I still have certain standards and tastes; a mediocre person just won’t do, at least not for long.
We can never be free of expectations. A decision to expect nothing is probably based on some previously unmet expectation. In relationships, I think the best that you can hope for is a mutual understanding of expectations and that each person is honest enough to let the other know if they are capable of meeting those expectations.
Oh...and yes, it's fun to play with the pieces and the lames are often quite hilarious but as expectations are aired, there is also less time spent picking your dignity and ashen pieces of your heart.
".......he never saw....." insert drummer *duh-do-ching!!*
Analogy between expectations from the fireworks and relationships- too on point.
This year, I actually prided myself with the FACT that our fireworks were BETTER than the folks up the street......sad, huh?
I don't think the expectations are as extreme as thinking the person with the spectacular 'label' is going to be the 'One', but I think most are guilty of comparing the label of the 'new' fireworks to that of the 'old'.
'Broken' is so on target with the lighter theory!!! I have quite a few heat sources, which I pull out at will, and they help tremendously(on most occasions)
I will ramble on for days, but my input is this:
As long as you have two willing parties, they can rub their goodies together(mental, physical, whatever) & keep the sparks flying :-)
SN-you might have to spend some time searching for that re-ignitable(is that a word?) source.
Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
upon my nightcrawling activities of reading and writing, I come across this gem! I gotta say first and overall, this is a pretty good comparison, I never really looked at it that way, I relfect back and can see your points very well bruh, good stuff. The connection thats made here, relationships/the 4th, good observation. Reading in between the lines I'd even venture off to say those fireworks that are lit however take absolutely no action whatsoever can be compared to relationships that have an immediate feel of failure, on the outside looking in of course, but like boys and girls, we just keep trying to light 'em, nearly burning an entire book of matches, to no avail, as with men and women, we say FUCK it and date that potential failure anyway, disregarding words of wisedom from those that see it all with a different view.
good thought fam, keep this up !!!
If it was only that easy (lol) refreshing point of view. I think that fireworks come in moments-- key is finding that person that you can laugh with and doing nothing with and still have the time of your life-- every now and then sparks will fly and put that together you have found something priceless!! Here is perfect moments of doing nothing with the right person.
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