Family Affair

Every once in a while, there comes a time when you look at things a little differently. You know, a light bulb goes off...an epiphany. I call it a Kick In The Ass(KITA) moment. More often than not, the moment comes as a result of a negative experience.

• I lost my job...damn, maybe I should try to be on time and actually do work instead of chatting on facebook.
• My wife left me...Oh, maybe it's not a good idea to complain about her cooking, sleep with her best friend, and leave dirty drawers everywhere.
• Doc said it's incurable...I should've worn a condom.

I had a KITA moment recently. My great-grandfather, Mr. Henry Brown, Sr. passed at the tender age of 98. Yes, 98. He lived through segregation, two world wars, and Soulja Boy. If a black man makes it to half that age he's doing pretty well. Pop Brown's legacy? Besides the principles of hard-work and faith, he left a family tree that sprouts over 380 branches. That's right! Between his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc, there are nearly 400 of us. Daaaaaaamn!

No, my KITA moment was not that I need to hurry up and get started on my family if I want a tree like his. One of my aunts has 23 kids, so she's well on her way.

My moment occurred while sitting at the funeral service, partially listening to the eulogy. I began to look around at my family. Those I knew and those I didn't. It was then that I realized how hypocritical I am. People that truly know me can say how much of a family man I profess to be. It's true. But I had to ask myself, "do you really show it?"

For the past year, I've lived less than 2 miles from my grandfather. How many times have I gone to visit? Once. Are there legitimate reasons? There are reasons, but they really equate to excuses. And while I often quote the phrase, "Don't make excuses, make improvements," I wasn't taking my own advice.

I would say that I'm busy, which is true. But everybody's busy, and nobody's that busy.

It's a natural thing to be self-centered. We HAVE to do this and we MUST do that, and more importantly, we WANT TO do these things. The question is, how important are those things. And how much time does it take to pick up the phone, share a hug, or say I love you?

So, as I sat in the funeral, tears dropping on my fitted lilac shirt that was so very smooth, I took out my Blackberry and started writing a poem. Sidenote: There were these gentleman behind me that were talking junk about me as I began to type on my phone. The old cat in with salt and pepper hair had a brief convo with the somebody's uncle next to him.

Old Cat #1: Man, some people got no respect.
Old Cat #2: No reverence. You gotsta have reverence.
Old Cat #1: This is a funeral, ain't it? Sometimes you gotta stop some things. Leave some things at home.
Old Cat #1: I don't know what's wrong with 'em.

So, I politely turned to make sure they were talking to me. I wasn't gonna fight this old dudes at my great-grandaddy's funeral. Hell, I'm sure they were my cousins or uncles or something. I just turned around to make sure they were talking about me. Well, one darted his eyes toward the minister giving the eulogy, never breaking his glance to acknowledge me. The other, #2, looked directly at me, as if to say, "Yeah, I said it? And what? Whatchu gone do, Youngblood." Youngblood turned around.

I couldn't tell you much of what the minister was saying at the end of the eulogy; I got lost in the words of the poem I writing to myself. the words I was typing mixed in with glances of grown men crying caused me to have to shield my Blackberry from my tears.

This is the poem. Read it. Maybe it'll be your KITA moment.

Yesterday's Promise
Darius D.
Written 9/18/2010 @ around 1pm, inspired by the legacy of a great man, Henry Brown, Sr.

As we sit and reminisce and tears fall down our faces,
We recall those dear moments, sweet times, special places.
Our minds travel back to the tender memories we shared,
But we inevitably focus on the times we were not there.
All of the missed chances to share stories, opportunities to show love
No matter what we did, it could never seem enough.
But let's not focus on the misses, but concentrate upon our makes.
And look towards tomorrow and not repeat our mistakes.
So, that mother uncle, cousin, sister or grandfather
That you say you'll call or go and see tomorrow,
When you're too busy with the oh so busy business of your own,
Take the time to make that visit, send that letter, pick up that phone.
Cherish those you love, be it family or friend;
Use this moment to show you love them; you might not get it again.

We Love You "Pop" Brown